Anxiety and a sick Heart?

7/12/14

Good Morning/Evening All,

I have been thinking about how to get a real rhythm going for this blog to make it more focused and neat but… I am way too scattered brain to do that right now. Besides if I get too much on the negative of this Diabetic path I am on… it will just make my temper worse. That is one thing I have noticed the last few weeks about myself. I tend to become agitated easily. I mean I get that way over the most pointless shit. Here is a quick example… T.V commercials, dropping things, not finding something I am looking for… etc. Being frustrated is one thing over these small issues but to get all out angry is a bit weird. I am aware of this happing but I can’t seem to make myself stop and breath and just relax. My energy level (or lack of) isn’t helping either. I don’t know if these extreme mood swings are because of the Diabetes or I’m just a asshole. This past Thursday morning I was to start my Diabetes Education class. I was up very early that day and we all set to leave at a certain time. I’m one of those folks that think being on time is late. I like getting to appointments 45 minutes early. Dale had a appointment that day too so he needed the car. He took me to West Fl. Hospital where the classes were held. Now…in my mind I wanted to be there at 7:45 am even though I could be there at 8:30am and so naturally I was freaking out. I was so pissed at him making me (in my mind) late for class. I was being completely irrational and quietly hostile. Now.. I had to enroll and get all my health insurance crap done before class started. It seemed to take forever for them to call me to the back and get all that done. As we sat in the waiting room, a small cheap TV had one of those ridiculous morning shows on and it was like nails on a chalk board to me. Everything little thing around me felt like it was closing in and all I wanted to do is get to class and get on with the day. My stress level was pretty high. Once I was past the paper work and all that shit…. They finally came to get the two other men and myself up to the 7^th floor to begin class. I had my laptop, cane and coffee to drag with me. Needless to say I was moving slow and holding up everyone else. I started to be embarrassed. I wanted to cry but… I held it in. I knew all this stress would be worth the information I truly needed to help me deal better with Diabetes. One of the instructors helped carry some of my junk so that made it a little better. We got to the small class room and began to settle in. During the first conversation on Diabetes medication I suddenly felt a rush of nausea come over me. I had to interrupt the instructor that I needed to go to the men’s room. I stood up to walk around the table and lost my vision. Needless to say I fell to the floor and I almost passed completely out. I can only recall bits and parts of what happen after that. The next thing I remember is a bunch of people around me getting blood from one arm and the other was being stuck to check blood sugar levels plus someone checking my blood pressure.
They rushed me to the E.R to do more test but by the time we got there I was starting to feel better. I was still light headed for the rest of the day but at least I did not feel like I was going to pass out. When they checked my blood sugar level it was 220. So that tells me it was not because I bottomed out due to the Diabetes but they did tell me my white blood count was elevated a bit. They said that was a sign that I had an infection of some kind somewhere. The entire test they ran was clean, so the attending ask me if I have ever seen a cardiologist. I said no

He strongly suggested I get a referral from my primary doctor to see one to have me checked over. He thought I need a heart monitor to track my heart for a few days to see what may be going on. Needless to say, I was stunned. The last thing I ever thought I may or may not have any health issues was my Heart. However I am not too freaked out about that. I will wait and see how it all will go and whatever happens I will deal with as it comes. I can only process so much at a time and I did not want to overwhelm myself any more than I already am. I have an appointment with my primary for an E.R follow-up on Monday. Next will be seeing the Cardiologist and then… whatever is next. Oh and I will have to get back to class as soon as I get this heart thing done. 

I am thinking what happened was due to my anxiety and stress level. Perhaps it played a part in it all. I am hoping to learn more about what is going on with my body. So… as you can read I have a lot on my plate but I am okay with it. I just need to learn to relax and not allow every little thing stress me out so severely. Oh and I am sorry for this very long post. I’m thinking some of you can relate and maybe can truly understand just how much Diabetes can affect our lives in a way we did not expect. However… we are a tough bunch. I admit that even with all the shit I have gone through in my life…this is by far the hardest thing I have ever faced. I’m sitting here thinking…” I got this”. So do you.